Grateful

And blessed.  That's how I'm feeling today.  A complete turn-around from my mood this morning.  Y'all, I know I have a baby growing inside of me and everything, but geez- these mood swings are for the birds!  I woke up, on the wrong side of the bed (again) this morning, and just didn't want to deal.....with anything.  I got on FB, got annoyed, got off, and decided to go straight to the Bible app on my phone for a little spiritual guidance and reminder of what's important in life.  I prayed- for a better attitude, more patience with Aaron, more patience with Adam, more patience with friends and family, and most importantly for more patience with myself.  Then, I turned on Disney Junior for Aaron, and retreated back to bed, laptop in hand for a little catching up on one of my favorite blogs: life{in}grace.  I love this woman, like I love Ree Drummond (Pioneer Woman).  Both of these women are the epitome of what I want to become as I get older.  They're both southern, and amazing moms and wife's, and their love and patience for their families inspire me.  I want to be like that.  Edie, the author of life{in}grace, is my muse.  Her spirituality runs deep- she's an amazing Christian woman.  I love to read her posts on parenting, because as a mother of 5 (or maybe 6) children she knows- she's been around the block a time or two.  She loves makeup, in particular MAC makeup (like myself), and she loves food.  All qualities that I find important in an individual- lol! 

After refreshing myself with some good "bloggage", God sent me another reminder of how blessed I am in the form of my best friend, Natalie.  While texting back and forth, she asked me about Aaron's school schedule.  Then, offered to keep him a couple of afternoons next week so I could have some time to myself.  Offer is actually the wrong word- she stated I'll keep him, not because I have to, but because I want to.  Grateful.  That is what true friendship is.  She loves me, therefore, she loves my child(ren).  It means so incredibly much to me.  That is when I realize how immature and childish my behavior can be at times- I'm not being grateful for all that He has blessed me with.  Good friends- that's a blessing. 

I feel like I am constantly needing to work on being grateful when I'm feeling good, and being graceful when I'm feeling bad.  It's easy to be grateful when things are going great and "according to plan."  It's the being graceful that counts the most.  So today, I am grateful.  I want to focus on this, especially on my "off" days when I'm not feeling so grateful OR graceful. 

Keeping it real, y'all! ;)

Go Dawgs!

~LL

One more day left!

My eyes are swollen shut this morning.  I stayed up late last night watching the Naomi Watts movie, The Impossible, and I cried through the whole movie.  If you haven't watched this movie, watch it.  It's a true story based off of a family that experienced the 2004 tsunami in Thailand.  I have a weird obsession with tsunamis (don't ask.....don't know where/when this happened) so of course I was on board to watch this movie as soon as the previews came out.  I picked it up at the Redbox yesterday, and after I got my rug-rat in the bed I watched....and cried....and cried.   Trust me- it's worth the tears. 

So, I have news about the house and it isn't good.  Doesn't look like we're getting it.  (Sad face.)  For the past two days we have gone round and round via our Realtors with this offer/that offer.  We did stand firm on our final offer which we submitted Tuesday, but the seller was not on board.  Ugh!  So disappointing and aggravating.  I was talking to Adam about it last night, and we both agreed that if someone showed up on our doorstep offering to buy our house for $10,000 cheaper than when we bought it, provided we pay the closing costs, we'd jump at the chance.  I'm guessing maybe the owners aren't in such a hurry to sell because the house is an estate??  Who knows.  Honestly, I'm disappointed but I'm okay with the current situation.  It's all in God's hands.  Maybe He has something better for us?  The old me would fight for this house tooth and nail, not praying and asking God if this is where He wants me to be.  I'm just trying to listen this time around.  I know the answers (and house) will come with a little trust and patience.

In other news....have y'all bought Mother's Day gifts?  Ideas?  Aaron Mo and I are going shopping tomorrow morning, and I have no ideas of what to get my mom and my two mother-in-laws.  All of these wonderful women are different in so many ways, but I would like to do something other than a gift card.  I would look on Pinterest, but I don't have the time/energy to put together the "ultimate Mother's Day" gift; i.e. something homemade, super-duper cutesy, and absolutely over-the-top fabulous.  Pinterest has made everyone else look pathetic in the gift department if you hand somebody a card with a (gasp!) gift card inside it.  It has to be a handmade card, in the most beautiful calligraphy imaginable, with a balloon attached, an adorable poem, and a puppy.  For reals.  I can't handle it. 

 Final thoughts:

• I have a maj crush on Deacon from Nashville.  Loving the fact that he and Rayna are finally gettin' it on.  Knockin' da boots.  Bumpin' & Grindin'.  (I told y'all......this little girl in my belly has my Pandora station permanently on early 90's R&B.  "You Remind Me of my Jeeeeeep....")
• I put on makeup for the first time all week, and I literally came back to life.  I think I was a tad depressed until I put some eyeliner and bright pink lipstick on.  Note to self: wear makeup.  Even if you're depressed.  You'll feel better.
• I cannot stop jamming out to will.i.am and the Bieb's new single, #thatPOWER.  Love it!  Me, this baby bump, and Aaron seriously had a dance party when he performed this song on Ellen. 
• I cannot stand Sabrina on General Hospital.  I know this is a random thought, but it's been on my mind and had to be said.  I think she's incredibly annoying and it's high-time for Robin to come back from the dead.
• True Blood comes back on in exactly 31 days.  I am SO ready to spend my next 3 months obsessing over ASkars and who he's dating.  Heart him.

Enjoy your beautiful day!

~LL

We are so in love......

With our baby GIRL!!!!!

Harper Elizabeth Mosely

And the most wonderful part?  Her heart looks good and strong. :)  Of course, I'm a very early 17 weeks so they can't see the organs as well as they can at a 20 week gender ultrasound, but so far so good.  Everything looks normal.  Praise the Lord!!!  I go back May 20th to do a more in-depth 20-21 week ultrasound so I'll get more pics then.  So excited!!!

I named her Harper because I just love that name.  No sentimental reason.  Elizabeth is after my mom. 

We are absolutely in love and already worried about how much her wedding's going to cost us.  If she's anything like her mama, she's going to be a hot mess.

What a wonderful day!  Thank you, God!!

~LL

Somebody went cray cray in the A....

and it appears that person was Reese Witherspoon.  And you know what?  I kinda love it.  Was this news just released yesterday?  Because I had no idea of this occurrence until last night when a friend called and informed me of Ms. Reecey's indiscretion.  Lo and behold, this picture is everywhere on the net:

via

Okay, I feel bad for her.  She was drunk, her man was getting arrested, and as they always say "you can take the girl out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the girl."  I'm sure those Tennessee roots/ Sweet Home Alabama twang came out, and as embarrassing as this is to admit, I probably would have acted the same way when I "had one too many."  Ha! Here's her statement if you're interested in reading.  Honestly, I like her more for it.  I know that sounds weird, but it just makes her more relatable.  I know there are people out there that thinks she's terrible, and their opinions have been changed, and yada yada, but let's face it: we have no room to judge anybody.  She made a mistake, she owned up to it and apologized, now all she can do is move on.  And hello, girlfriend looks great as a brunette.  And let's look at the bright side: her and Chelsea Handler probably now have a lot more in common!


I have more updating about the house to report; however, I have to go fix my lovebug some lunch.  Turns out: we're probably going to have to paint the kitchen cabinets.  Grrrr!!!!  I'll update more this week.....

This is the big week!  We find out what we're having Thursday.  Eeekkk!!!  So excited!  And scared.  Just praying that this baby is healthy.  That's all we want.  I know it's in God's hands.  Just trying to let go and trust.  This will be okay. 

Talk soon!

~LL

Using our Gifts

This morning Aaron and I went to Griffin's First Methodist Church with my parents.  I love this church, and I especially love the preacher, Mr. Kevin Lobello.  He is a true definition of what a Godly man is.  I will never forget the love and kindness he showed to Adam and I last year as we were going through an especially difficult time in our lives.  Whenever we're in town on a Sunday, we always try to attend church.  He is really the only preacher that's spoken to my heart in a long time. 

Today's message was about our "gifts" and how we use them.  Basically, Kevin asked the question that "Are we using the gifts that God gave us or are we not?"  He went on to say that God "doesn't just give us gifts just to give them; He gives gifts for a greater purpose as a Disciple of Jesus."  Of course, in the scheme of things I know this.  But in a way, I really don't.  Honestly, I have never really sat down and asked myself if I was using the gifts that God gave me the way I'm supposed to.  Some days I don't know what my gifts are.  I mean, I love to write- always have; I guess I could consider that one of His gifts.  I feel that Aaron is one of His biggest gifts to me; He gave Aaron to me.  He allowed me to be Aaron's mother.  My job as Aaron's mother is to love him, respect him, keep him safe, lead him in the right direction so that he may find his gifts from God.  Yes, Aaron is definitely my greatest gift- that I know for sure. 

Kevin also touched on the fact that a thankful heart is a happy heart.  To always be thankful for everything in your life; to thank God every day.  That if you are so thankful your life will always be filled with grace.  This really hit home.  I mean, for the most part I feel very thankful.  Heck, I've even blogged about it before!  But there are days (and I'm sure more to come) where I wake up and I don't feel thankful.  I'm mad because we can't sell our house, someone has pissed me off (most likely on Facebook), I want a new car, I want another healthy baby.  Those days suck.  What I need to try to remember is: God gave us a roof over our head; that no one can make me upset unless I let them- I am in control of my day; that my little Toyota gets me where I need to go and keeps me and my baby safe; and bottom line, God will give me another child in His time- not mine.

So, to add to my New Years Resolution list  I'd like to say that from this point on, I resolve to be thankful about everything in my life.  Even if it's a great cup of coffee, I'm going to be thankful for it.  A thankful heart is a happy heart.  That keeps on echoing through my head.  And I'm going to come back to this blog entry and read when I'm in my "not-so-thankful" moods.  Because in the end, God has blessed me abundantly; it is because of His love and grace that I have all the blessings that I do. 

~LL

Happy New Year!!

It's NYE!!  I'm actually excited for our plans tonight.  We're meeting friends for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant and then headed back to our friends home for games, drinks, and (I'm sure) a dance party or two.  My sweet parents took Aaron Mo for the night so we can indulge in some much-needed adult time.  I honestly can't remember the last NYE that we got dressed up and went out (that's sad, right?).  Cheers!

So, let's just go ahead and get it out of the way: Kimye's having a beybey.  Celebitchy predicted this last week.  I don't think it's that shocking.  I guess she felt that her clock's ticking and her divorce is dragging, so she might as well get knocked up.  Please God, let this child look like her.  Or Mason.  Or Penelope.  Check out this link for the hilarious twitter reactions to baby Kimye.

What are your resolutions this year?  I have a few.

• To wear a bikini next summer.  I really, really need for this to happen.  For great beach pictures, of course.  MyFitnessPal app is downloading on my phone as I type...
• To let go.  Of everything.  To stop worrying about everything.  To pray and trust that God's in control.  To grow closer in my relationship with Him.  To be a better person.  A better mother.  A better wife.  A better friend.  Just be better.
• To read more. 
• To blog more.
• And finally, to stop cutting my hair off. We don't work well together.

Some things I'm looking forward to in 2013???

image via

The return of this guy (well more like True Blood) in June.   I'm sweating right now.

The return of this show next month.  Eeekkk!  Love them.


And of course, I can't talk about 2013 without talking about this...

Aghhhhh!  JHutch!!  Finnick!!!  Too much excitement for me to handle!!!

Is it bad that all of my excitement involves televisions shows and/or movies?  Oh well.


Anyway, from our home to yours...........

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As a side note, Aaron got a helmet to use while riding on his "Show-Wheeler" AKA Four Wheeler, and he refuses to take it off. 

~LL

What the future holds

While Aaron was at preschool today, I ran up to New York & Company because they were having a sale and I had a coupon (last minute Christmas shopping).  As I was waiting in line to pay, I noticed there was a picture of a young boy, maybe 5 years old, printed and hanging behind the checkout counter.  The caption below the picture said "Our hearts are with YOU, Slade."  Once I reached the counter, I asked the saleswoman about the boy.  She informed me that he was the nephew of their manager and had a childhood cancer that they found out about the day after Thanksgiving.  He is now at St. Jude.  I finished making my purchase, told her I'd be praying for this child, and walked out the door.

After running my errands and picking Aaron up from preschool, I got home and I was in the worst mood.  It didn't matter that today is a beautiful day, or my hubby's home until January, or even the fact that I had swung by Bath and Body Works after my NY&C trip to pick up a gift for Aaron's preschool teachers and it was a hit.....I was upset.  After fixing Aaron's lunch I went in the computer room where Adam has set up shop to work from home and lost it.

I just don't understand.  I don't understand why 20 beautiful, innocent children are gone because of a very, very sick person.  I don't understand why it seems that every day whether on Facebook, Twitter, or the news outlets, someone is reporting of a child that is fighting cancer, a brain tumor, or etc.  I don't understand why a precious little boy named Tripp Halstead was involved in a freak accident that has left him fighting for his life in a hospital.  He's two.  Why?  Why do these things happen to these babies?  I don't understand.

You see, I'm scared to death.  I'm always scared that one of these scenarios are going to affect our family one day.  I'm scared that Aaron's going to be taken from us in an unexpected way.  I'm sure I'm not the only mom that feels this way.  It's hard not to ask yourself "what if" when all of these occurrences are reported by the media on a daily basis.  I pray.  I pray so hard every day.  I pray that God let's Aaron hold his great-grandchildren one day.  I pray that Aaron lives a long, healthy life.  I pray that Aaron falls in love and gets married.  And I of course pray that he becomes a Doctor, the President, a Scientist- someone that helps change the world in a miraculous way.  I pray for Aaron as soon as I open my eyes, and I pray again as soon as I close them.  I pray all day long.  I'm scared.  This world terrifies me.  As much as we want another child, I'm scared for that, too.  Of course, we all worry about our children, but I feel like I've taken worrying to a whole other level, especially since we lost our Luke in such an unexpected way this time last year.

So I broke down today.  I never let myself break down; I usually push my feelings to the side and carry on.  But today there was no holding back.  I needed to vent, and I needed my husband. 
Although he made no promises or predictions for our future, what he said did make me feel better.  Basically, there are no promises for our future.  Worrying is wasteful energy.  We can worry ourselves to death and nothing horrible happens.  OR, we can worry ourselves to death, something does indeed happen, and you feel that much worse.  We are not in control....obviously.  All we can do is our best, pray, and trust that God knows what He's doing.  That was it.  My sweet, wonderful husband.  Thank God for him.  Who knew that such simple thinking can make all of these enormous worries float away?  I know God knew what he was doing when he put this man in my life.  And I'm thankful for that every day.  

I know people have always questioned God, especially in light of the horrific event that took place last Friday.  I'm not going to lie, I've questioned God myself.  But believing in God is not about believing that no bad things are going to happen; it's about having faith.  Without God I wouldn't have my husband or my beautiful child.  I wouldn't have my amazing family, or fabulous friends.  I wouldn't have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive.  Heck, without God I wouldn't have my Sophie May!  So every day I'm going to focus on the fact that God is in control.  I don't know what tomorrow holds, so I'm going to try my best to live in the moment.  And I'm going to thank God every day for my blessings.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4: 6-7


~LL

Blessings

Is it just me or does Thanksgiving feel different this year?  Most of all, the upcoming holidays have a totally different feel for me.  I feel happier, healthier, and more excited about what God has in store for me and my family.

This time last year, tomorrow to be exact, was when I found out our second son had a heart condition.  You can read more about that here.  I'll never forget that day; going from the excitement of finding out we had been blessed with another boy to finding out he had a sick heart.  It was a little over a week later that we found out he had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  Basically, the left side of his heart never grew; my baby had half of a heart.  Upon hearing this diagnosis, we were in utter shock and despair.  How did this happen?  What did I do wrong?  Of course, there was nothing I did wrong, it was just a rare "thing" that happened; that's what the Doctors told me anyway.

We had named him Luke.  His brother has a strong biblical name, and we felt like our second son should, too.  Our sweet Luke went to Heaven Tuesday, December 13th 2011.  Although my heart will forever mourn his presence, I know he's in Heaven.  I know he's healthy and whole, and I know he's surrounded by love.  I also know that I'll get to meet him one day and that is amazing.

I know these holidays will be different for all of us.  Last year, I went through the motions of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I pretended to be happy because I had to for Aaron.  Aaron needed his mommy, and I needed him so badly.  Thank God for my sweet, beautiful, rambunctious Aaron Mo.  He is the best thing I've ever done, and the biggest blessing God has ever given me.  I know God will bless us with another healthy child when the time is right.  But for now, and every day of my life, I'll be thankful for this child. 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving with your loved ones!!

~LL

Loosey Goosey

Today I visited a chiropractor for the first time in my life.  After today, I don't know why I ever waited so long.

After dealing with yet another sinus infection this week, I made the appointment.  I am so sick (both literally and figuratively) of going to the Doc, getting a Z pack, getting rid of the infection, and then going through the same motions 2 months later.  I don't do sick well.  I can't stand laying around, looking like a ragamuffin, and feeling like a a$$.

I'm sad to say that it's taken me almost thirty years to reach the point in my life where my head is not stuck in the clouds regarding mine and my families health.  I guess what I'm trying to say is, although I do feel that doctors are a vital part of this world, I no longer "prescribe" to the "get sick-go to the Doc-get an antibiotic-get well" routine that goes on EVERY.DAY.  Our bodies were created by the Master of the universe, and He built us to naturally rid our bodies of toxins and impurities without having to choose the Doc-in-the-box route. 

Of course, as I stated above, Doctors are a must.  There are so many situations where Doctors and their expertise are needed.  They are essential, and they are lifesavers.....literally.  If it weren't for a Doctor, I wouldn't have known that our second son had a very sick heart, and would have a very brief life.  If it weren't for that Doctor, I wouldn't have made the health changes in mine and my families life since that moment last December when we learned that our Luke had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. 

All in all, the reasons above brought me to the Chiropractor today; a more natural approach to my health instead of going the typical medical route.  And I have to say, I feel so much better.  I already knew (from my sister's stint at a Chiropractors office) that the alignment of the spinal vertebrae is essential to our well-being.  Our spine controls everything.  Our spine tells our brain what to do to make our bodies right.  Isn't that amazing? 

As soon as I was seated in my Chiropractors office, he proceeded to show me a light-up board of the spinal vertebrae and what affects what in our bodies.  After performing an X-Ray I was informed that I have some neck (cervical) issues, and that very well could be a cause of the constant sinus infections.  Afterwards I got a neck and back adjustment.  Y'all, I feel great.  I never realized how much tension I carried in my neck, until I felt that release.  I go back for another adjustment Monday and I cannot wait.  I'm not saying that I'm healed, but at least my spine can now tell my brain, "hey, clear this up so girlfriend doesn't constantly have to gross everyone out by blowing her schnoz everywhere she goes!"  Okay, so that was kind of gross and uncalled for. 


So now that we have finished our science lesson of the day, why don't we..........

Hottness (image courtesy of: http://media-cache-ec6.pinterest.com/upload/88594317640722269_KUKOaZ5Z_b.jpg)

wish JHutch a very Happy 20th birthday!!!  Love you, Peeta, oops, Josh!!

~LL

Can I just go back to bed & start over?

Blahh....today feels like a Monday.  Actually yesterday was better than today.  I'm in such a pissy mood.  I mean, I planned for it to be better- it just didn't work out that way.

I woke up extra early this morning to drink a big cup of coffee and surf the net without a toddler tugging my hands.  When my little guy woke up, I was in such a chipper mood I told him I was making bacon and eggs for breakfast.  First mistake of the day.  I burnt the freakin' bacon.  How do you burn bacon???  My house still smells like a grease pit, and my Yankee candles are not doing their job.  The eggs turned out to be digestible, thank goodness.

As soon as I dropped Aaron off at preschool, I came home, and instead of doing laundry, or planning dinner or cleaning the kitchen, I sat on the couch sulking.  The following is the breakdown of my thoughts:

• Will Adam ever have a job where he's at home with us every day?
• Will I ever lose these 10 pounds that I've been talking about losing for 2 1/2 years now?
• Will I ever get pregnant again?
• Will I ever find a job that I love without having to go back to school and/or taking a huge pay cut?

And the list goes on and on.

So, I decided to pray.  And although I still have a major case of the Monday's...............

Every thing's gonna be alright.

~LL

An explanation

Well, I guess I should start things out by saying that it feels good to be back.  I haven't blogged since February, and honestly you probably wouldn't have wanted me to.  My life over the past 7 months has been ever-changing, and going into all types of directions.  I'm scattered......it's really no fun.  You see, I am the queen of making rash decisions.  Some of these decisions have been wonderful, most- not so much.  After moving back to Macon in February, I started a job as a claims adjuster at Allstate.  I lasted 4 months.  I went directly into a new job as a dental assistant.  That lasted 2 1/2 months.  I know you probably think I'm crazy......for goodness sakes, I  know I'm crazy! I'm 30 years old and I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up.  The only things I'm sure of at this moment are: I have an incredibly wonderful, kind, patient husband who puts up with A LOT, and I have a fantastic 2 1/2 year old who blows my mind in every amazing way possible and cracks me up daily, and as usual, my mom, dad, and sister are my rocks.  I'm lucky to have wonderful friends,and it is true that the older you get you learn which friends (as one of my besties Natalie states, "will be the ones that ride back home on the Greyhound with you when the limo breaks down."  Sad, but true. 

With all of this being said, I'm happy to be back to this blog.  It is the one place I can come to that's all mine.  And I definitely plan to come back here quite a bit.  So please stay tuned.  I promise it gets better!

~LL

Ch, ch, ch, ch, changes.......

I haven't posted since Sunday- five whole days.  Rut-roh.  I promised to do better, and I will get better.  I'm seriously bringing "the blog back," slowly but surely.

First of all, I want to say thank you to the people that responded to my last blog.  I had some friends email me to say that their preacher had preached a sermon that day about trusting God and listening to His plan.  (I knew I should have gotten my rear out of bed that morning for church!)  After speaking with them, and peeking at their notes about listening for His plan, we got an answer to our prayer.....

Adam and I are moving back to Macon at the end of this month.  We are both happy and sad.  Happy because we have friends and family there that mean the world to us; happy because we are eager to sell our home and wash our hands of it.  We are sad also; sad to leave my parents and good friends; sad to leave this house that we've fallen in love with.  But hey, that's life!  We prayed for God to give us an answer about where we needed to be, and he gave us an answer.  All because we gave it to Him, and we listened.  I won't lie, it wasn't the answer I wanted.  We have settled here, and although staying in this house and in this town was certainly not a long-term goal, we at least wanted to stay here until I finished school in December 2013.  But obviously, God has other plans for us and that's okay.  We'll make it- we've definitely been through much worse.

I think I might have some exciting news to share with y'all soon.  A possible business venture....whoop whoop!  Once I get all my ducks in a row I'll let y'all know what's going down.

Okay, moving on to fun things:

• Looks like "Bey had her beybey!"  Blue Ivy.  What a horrible name.  Bless her heart.  I'm sure shes beautiful.  She'll be a rapper and a dancer.  Nicki Minaj betta' watch out!  As a side note, I read that the maternity ward patients are complaining about B and J taking over a whole maternity ward, and security guards blocking off the nursery so they couldn't see their babies.  Do I think all of this is true?  No.  Do I think Beyonce's a diva and some of this is true?  Yep.  I guess we'll see.....

This is what Bey's hospital room looked like.  Are you serious??  This is nicer than any house I've ever been in!

Diva.

• Justin Timberlake is engaged.  Sadness.  I can't believe Jessica Biel gets to have his babies- that was supposed to be ME!!!!! ;)  All jokes aside, if Ryan Gosling marries Eva Mendes I'm literally throwing myself off a bridge.

•  The obsession with Eric AKA Alexander Skarsgard from True Blood has moved to next level.  I'm now on novel four of the Sookie Stackhouse series and I cannot.get.enough.  Ahhh!!!  This is the way more fun (and sexay) version of Twilight, folks!  If you haven't jumped on board, do it NOW!!!!!  I mean, the obsession has gotten serious.  Rpatz has been dumped.  Let's compare, shall we:

Um, hell yes.

This is pretty hot, too.

 Gotta get back to the real world....aka: grocery shopping.  Have a good day!

~LL

How do you know?

Uhhhh.....today has not been a good day.  It's not been awful, it just hasn't been good. 

It started out promising.  My in-laws kept Aaron last night, so although I should have been in church, I slept in until 9:30.  I had a good cup of coffee, and caught up on all of my Words with Friends games (as a side note, I'm obsessed).  I took a leisurely bubble bath, and actually was able to perfect the wavy hair look with my curling iron; it totally would make Sienna Miller jealous.  But still, my mind has been on a million different things.

You see, Adam and I are in a little bit of a predicament as far as our housing situation goes.  We are living in a house that we love in a town that grows on us every day, but we are renting.  The house we own is not occupied.  We had a fabulous tenant that moved out in December, and we are in the process of looking for a new tenant to take up residence in our home in Macon.  We have until the end of this month to find a tenant, and with that being said, a good tenant.

We have settled into our life here in Griffin.  I'm going to school, Aaron's going to preschool, and Adam's working.  Life has been good (aside from the past couple of months).  Although we've definitely had a rough go over the last few weeks, I feel that we have yet another hurdle to cross over the next few weeks, and that's figuring out what we're going to do if we have to move back to Macon.  Yes, we've been through worse, but I don't want to take Aaron out of a preschool with teachers and friends that he loves.  And with me being back in school, I'm not ready to move away at the very beginning of the semester and start over someplace else. Why does our lives always seem to be all over the place??

I was talking about everything with my mom, and trying to figure out what would be the best decision for our family when it hit me.....it's not my decision, it's God's.  He decides where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do.  It's just up to me to listen to what He wants.

I've always been real good about listening to what I want.  I didn't want to take college seriously over ten years ago and I ended up with a degree in communications that has led me nowhere because I'm back in school at 29; I wanted to move back to Griffin so bad last year that I found a tenant and moved out without thinking about the repercussions (i.e. what we're going through right now).  For goodness sakes, I got pregnant last summer without adequate planning and because I could, and now I've lost a child.  Let's just be honest here, I've been ALL about what I want, but what about what God wants for me?  Do you think I've taken just a moment to listen?  Not really..

So that leads me to my question, how do I listen?  I mean really listen for Him to tell me what He needs me to do.  How do I know when He's told me His plan??  I'm confused.  I want to make the right choices, and I want Him to tell me what He needs, but how??

How do you know what His plan is for your life?

Weekend Roundup

It's Saturday night and I'm blogging in my pj's.  Yep, this is the life.....lemme tell ya!  Actually to be honest, I'm enjoying myself.  It's been a low-key weekend so far and that's fine with me.  I did, however, make the mistake of ordering "Contagion" on PPV, and now am paranoid of walking out of the door.  Warning: if you're a major Germaphobe, DO NOT watch this movie- your life will never be the same!  (As a side note, Gwyneth P was in the movie, and don't get me wrong, she's a hottie, but I think Gwynnie might be showing her age.  Maybe it's time for a new hairdo instead of that same blonde hair parted down the middle look.  At this point, only the Kardashian sisters can pull that off.)

While Adam was busy "working for the weekend," Aaron and I went to visit my cousin, Jill, and his baby cousin, Mary Leigh.  They are only 5 months apart, and when they're together it's nothing but a major cutefest.  Here are some pics of them playing; be warned: the adorable factor is at it's highest:

I did a collage using the iphone app, Pic Collage.  I hope it works.....

I love when we can get them together.  They are at the cutest ages, and the way they interact is just priceless.  They hug, kiss, hold hands, and LOVE each other.  It literally makes my heart happy.  :)





Here's another pic to document our weekend; Sophie got her "haiiiirrr did":

I used effects on this pic because I look hein.  Sophie, of course, would not look at the camera.  Diva.

Adam and I celebrated one of my dearest friends 30th birthday last night.  I don't have any pictures of that because I'm a horrible picture taker, but I will say that if you end up having a dance party to old school "Back Dat Ass Up" you're having a good time. PCB 2000- what what!!


On a more serious song note, I was running errands yesterday and flipping through the songs on my Nano when Dixie Chick's "Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)" came on.  I was going to turn it, but I made myself listen to it.  I also made myself pull over because I was crying so hard.  I've never been able to listen to it without crying, but now, since the loss of our precious Luke, this song has taken on a different meaning.  If you've never heard it, YouTube it.  It's absolutely beautiful.  Here's a peek at the beautiful lyrics:

"Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams"

Godspeed, little man. :)


Okay, I'm crying so we need a change of subject and a good end to this post.  Sooooo.........

When's Bey gonna have her beybey??  Let's bet!!

                    

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                            

And the verdict is..........

A healthy heart for my Aaron Mo!!

Ahhh....I can breathe again!!  Let me just say, I wasn't under the impression that something was wrong.  I basically had an echocardiogram done on my bug's heart for simple peace of mind.  And, it was worth every pretty penny!  He does have to go back in two years for another ultrasound since there is now a history of heart disease in our family.  To tell you the truth, it doesn't bother me a bit.  The doctor (who I might add was just a personable, wonderful man) put me at ease as soon as he walked in the door.  He said, "Honey, your son's heart is fine.  He's healthy as a Georgia bulldog!"  I knew at that moment he was good stuff.  Thank you, God.


I celebrated the happy news with my girlfriends over dinner and drinks tonight.  We met at Grit's in Forsyth and I honestly did not want to leave.  I am so blessed to have the most amazing friends in my life, and tonight was no exception.  I decided to put my big girl panties on, and had a bourbon drink for dinner.  Y'all, I am not lying it was the best bourbon drink I've ever had!  It was called the "Porch Swing" and included mint leaves and something else......maybe lemonade??  I dunno.  Definitely not a Mint Julep but better.  I meant to take a picture (Btw, my iphone is basically the best camera I have.  Can anyone recommend any good and FREE photo apps to download?  I'm trying to document more...) but of course forgot.  Guess that means our GNO needs to come sooner than later, right ladies?  Because we "just gotta dance!"


Plus, I've gotta show off the bangs while they're still lookin' good and not a hot mess which I can say for a fact, will happen.  In case you don't know, the bangs and I have a very rocky relationship.    Just like a toxic relationship, I turn to them for comfort during the hard times and dammit, they always let me down.  But I keep coming back for more.......(the saga continues)........

It's 11:28 right now, and while I would LOVE to keep on typing, my brain keeps on wondering off to my room where my DVR holds the latest episode of Grey's.  I've got to find out how Teddy takes the news of Henry's death before I pass out asleep on this keyboard.  Will update tomorrow!

Loves!

~LL

Dear Luke

Wow.  I don't even know where to begin.  I honestly don't even know the last time I blogged because I haven't even bothered to look.  To say that the last half of this year has been hard is an understatement, so I guess I'll just start at the beginning.

There have been quite a few changes in my life since I last blogged.  My Aaron Mo is now 21 months (and getting bigger every day), and we have officially settled into our life in Griffin for the time being.  I started going back to school in late August for nursing, and I love it.  It's amazing how much better you are as a student at 29 versus 19.  As of right now, I have a 4.0 GPA and straight A's.  Who would've thunk?!?

My hubby is just as busy as ever with work, but we feel so blessed for his incredible job in a not-so-incredible economy.  He even got a 9.8% raise (what what!).  I couldn't be prouder of him for his ambition and his eagerness to bust his behind to take care of his family.

We also found out a bit of unexpected news in mid-August.  I was pregnant.  It was such a shock; we were very happy, just surprised because it was not planned.  Upon finding out, I went from feeling like a normal person to feeling like someone who could not awake from a coma.  I was nauseous, sick, dry-heaving constantly, and just in general trying to make it day to day.  Of course, chasing after a toddler contributed to the tiredness, but I still felt so blessed.  God had given us another beautiful, perfect child.  Who was I to complain?

Although I was without a doubt pregnant, I could never shake the feeling that something was wrong.  I lost 17 pounds within 10 weeks.  You couldn't even tell I was pregnant until I was at least in the mid-point of my second trimester, and you could barely tell then.  It was such a completely different pregnancy than my pregnancy with Aaron, but I knew all pregnancies were different.  This one was just very different.

On Monday, November 21st at my 18-week appointment Adam and I found out that we were having another beautiful baby boy.  We were overjoyed.  Although I had been absolutely convinced that it was a girl, I didn't care in the least.  God had given me another boy to love forever.  How lucky was I?  After seeing our boy on the ultrasound screen we were taken back to a room to wait for my doctor to discuss everything.  That was when I was told my son had a heart defect.

On Thursday, December 1st my mother and I drove back down to Macon to meet with a Perinatal Specialist.  We were referred to him by my regular OB the week before.  My doctor had been very aloof and nonchalant about the heart condition, only saying that it was "a spot that concerned them."  Now I know why he acted the way he did; he knew what horrible condition my baby's heart was in.  We were informed that day that my son had a serious heart defect known as Left Hypoplastic Heart syndrome.  That was the day that I went to Hell in a matter of 30 minutes.

I won't go into all of the specifics of this disorder, because frankly, everything is still so raw and I'm just not ready.  I will say that Adam and I talked to four different doctors (my OB, the Perinatal Specialist, and two Pediatric Cardiologists) who confirmed that my son, if he survived in utero, would have a very bleak future because of this serious heart defect.  If he had survived the pregnancy, he would immediately have had to undergo major open heart surgery for survival.  With this type of condition he wouldn't be able to survive without a series of surgeries, or a heart transplant.  And even if he had these surgeries/transplants, it still didn't guarantee a long, normal life for our son.  His precious life would consist of surgery after surgery, daily medications, probable seizures, strokes, and a never-ending concern if this was going to be the last day of his life.  There was no evidence at this point that my boy would make it past the age of 20. To say that Adam and I felt despair and sadness is an understatement.  Our lives will never be the same.  How could our beautiful, perfect son be so sick?  What did we do?  Why were we put in this horrible situation??

On Tuesday, December 13th God took our son to Heaven.  As I sit here typing this I have tears pouring down my face.  Yes, we are heartbroken in every way possible.  Yes, our lives are changed forever.  But, thank God He took our son to be with him.  Thank God my child is up in Heaven with a full, functioning heart and is healthy in every way possible.  The way we look at it is, Luke (that's his name) was too perfect to come to Earth, so he went straight to Heaven.  I feel him with me every moment of every day.  I tell him I love him at least once every hour.  He's probably so sick of hearing from me! ;)

My faith in God has never been stronger.  I know there's a reason, and I may never know why, but I do know this: God's plan is perfect.  I have been so incredibly blessed to already have been given a beautiful, healthy child in my Aaron Mo- he makes my heart smile every second of every day.  I've been blessed with a husband who loves me unconditionally; I have family and friends that are the most loving, compassionate, beautiful people I've ever encountered.  Yes, I am a lucky girl, yes, I am so blessed, and yes, I will thank God for this life he has given me every single day.

So in turn, I have decided to use my blog today to write a letter to our son.  Here goes....

Dear Luke,

You first need to know that you are beautifully and perfectly made.  God created you and He makes no mistakes.

You went to your eternal home on Tuesday, December 13th.  It was both a sad and happy day for me.  I am sad because I won't get to see and kiss your face, touch your hands, fingers, and toes.  You probably have a head full of hair like your big brother, and I won't get the pleasure of taking you for your first haircut at 3 months.  I know you have the cutest pug nose, and those lips I'm sure are so smoochable! :) I am sad because I won't get to change your first diaper, or see your first smile, hear your first laugh, watch you ride a bike, graduate kindergarten and eventually college, fall in love, marry a beautiful girl, have your own children, and watch you become the beautiful and amazing man you already are.

I am sad for those reasons, but most of all I am happy.  I'm happy that God took you to live with him, so you wouldn't have to come into this world and struggle.  I'm happy that you're healthy, and that most of all, that you're happy.  I can see you now: sitting in my Great-Grandmother's lap while she scratches your back with her long, beautiful nails; I can see you laughing at my Great-Uncle Sammy while he sings, dances, and plays the piano for you.  I can see you eating tons of yummy food that my Great-Grandmother Todd is cooking for you, and I can see you learning how to jet ski from my Great-Grandfather Todd who literally taught everyone in our family how to jet ski until he was in his seventies- no kidding!

But most of all, I can see you standing at the gates of Heaven waiting for me.  I can see your beautiful face smiling at me, and that is what makes me happiest of all.  I cannot wait to kiss and hug you, and tell you how much your mommy loves you.

Until then my beautiful boy, I will be the best I can be.  I will be the best mommy to Aaron; the best wife to your Daddy; the best daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, daughter-in-law, friend, etc. that I can be.  Most of all, I will be the best servant to God that I can be, because in the end that's all that matters.

I love you, son.  You, my angel, are perfect in every way.

Love,
Mommy