Sunday, August 3, 2014

These are the days

It's been forever since I last blogged, but I felt that today was the perfect time to write down how I feel.

My Aaron Mo starts Pre-K tomorrow.  I am experiencing so many emotions about this major milestone, happiness and excitement being two of those.  The rest?  I'm scared, anxious, worried, sad, but most of all, a little heartbroken.  This day....I used to anticipate this day.  This day was a day I longed for when I was a younger mom; I only had one child and I *thought* I was exhausted (I totally laugh at this girl now, btw).  This day was what I would boast to my friends about "Oh, I won't be "one of those moms" weeping on the front steps of elementary school, I'll go home and celebrate with a mimosa!"  Yeah, right. 

I am doing my best to mentally prepare for tomorrow.  I already have clothes laid out, lunch planned out, and our new routine mapped out.  I have thoroughly gone over our new schedule with Aaron; he just says "okay, mom."  I have to admit I'm doing this more for my sake than his; tomorrow is going to be hard enough- I'm making plans today.  I know I sound crazy, but I'm not ready for this.  I mean, is he really ready for this?  I ask myself this question numerous times a day.  He'll leave me at 7:45 and be gone until 3:00??  How is he going to make it without me there?  Who's going to open his fruit snacks at lunch?  Is that little cheap mat from Walmart going to really provide adequate "rest time?"  Probably not. 

I worry about hurt feelings and rejection.  I know he's going to come across this, and I just want to shield him from all of it.  "He's a strong little guy" I tell myself, but he does come from me: an emotional basket-case.  To tell you the truth, I'm terrified of it all.  Tomorrow scares the shit out of me.

All I can do is pray and know that God has this under control.  I have to let him go, because he's not really mine.  He's a precious gift, and His plans for my son are perfect plans. 

So today I'm going to soak up every little minute with my Mo.  All of his quirks that drive me crazy on a regular day, I'm going to love today.  I'm going to hug and kiss him as much as he'll let me, and let him know that I'm his biggest fan.  Tomorrow, my big boy starts a new chapter.  I'm going to rejoice because he is beautiful, healthy, smart, funny, and his heart is so big and kind.

Tomorrow, when I drop that big boy off at his new big boy school, I'm going to come home and snuggle my baby girl.  It wasn't that long ago that her big brother was her size; before I know it she'll be walking into that big school with a huge bow on her head ready to tackle this crazy world.  I'm going to enjoy every moment because they all pass so quickly.

Tomorrow, I might have that mimosa, too. ;)