Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Burnt Out

Warning: This post is solely dedicated to feeling sorry for myself.  I know it's not right and I know that it's selfish; however, it is my blog and I give myself permission to vent.  If you are not in the mood, which I completely understand, feast your eyes upon this and have a wonderful day.  You're welcome. 

I am friggin' exhausted.  My back hurts, my head hurts, everything hurts.  I am so completely over this doom and gloom weather.  It's not helping my attitude one bit.  I am sick of my phone and my entirely too high phone bill; $125/month for an iPhone 5.  A little ridiculous, am I right?  I'm seriously considering giving it up for a flip phone I'm that over it.

I know all of this is random, but it feels as if every thing that could go wrong has gone wrong over the past week.  My poor baby has been fighting a cold for days now.  There are only so many times I can squeeze saline in her little nose, and suck out snot with a Nosefrida.  Graphic I know.  I feel like shit.  I don't know if I've gotten her cold, or it's allergies.  As of right now, Aaron's managed to stay well, but that could change at any moment. 

I'm so sick of my husband's job.  I know I'm totally "biting the hand that feeds me," but I'm tired of my husband being gone for days at a time.  With two kids, it's just not manageable anymore.  I know there are single moms out there, and I give them big props for doing everything all the time.  With that being said, I didn't sign up to be a single mom which I feel like most of the time.  I do everything by myself.  I'm over it.  Maybe I just suck at time management, but I feel as if the time I do have to myself (nap time and bedtime) I'm too exhausted to do anything except watch the ABC lineup until I pass out on the couch.  Hell, I went to bed at 9 pm last night, slept until 7, and was still tired when I got up this morning.  I'm embarrassed to say that the last "non-mommy" book I read was Gone Girl last year. 

There are so many things I want/need to do for me: make Harper's baby food, cook dinner more often, catch up on the laundry, wake up an hour early each day and get ready before the kids get up, go to bed early every night to ensure I get at least eight hours of sleep, start the Paleo diet and kick this pregnancy weight to the curb, exercise more- if not every day at least every other day, read a good book every month, get off Facebook because all it does is waste my time, take a vacay somewhere warm with my girlfriends for a week (we'll be all "Luh Ya Papi" JLo style with cute cabana boys everywhere).  The list goes on......

Ugh.  Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer today.  I know that I am blessed.  I know that God has given me so much in my two beautiful, healthy children, my always-patient husband, my amazing family and friends, and so many other blessings that I could go on and on.  It doesn't change the fact that I'm eager for change.  I'm ready for my husband to be home more often, the kids and I miss him dearly.  And as much as I love being a stay-at-home-mom to these precious loves, I need something for me- both physically and mentally. Once I figure that out, I'll let you know.  Until then.....