Hello, 4 weeks!

Well, it's official- I've had a new baby for four weeks now. My little princess will be a month old tomorrow! We've survived the first 29 days. I'm just so glad she's here; I just stare at her all day soaking her in. I'm madly in love- so is Adam. We love her dark, black hair and sweet, nubby nose. I smooch her little lips all the time....I can't help it. She's so alert (when she's not sleeping) and she's mesmerized by her big brother. Sweetness. She completes our little family perfectly. I think about Luke all the time, and I know he had a hand in sending her to us. It still breaks my heart into pieces when I think about him. I know he would have loved being a little brother to Aaron and big brother to Harper, but instead he's their guardian angel. One day I'll tell Aaron and Harper about their brother when they can understand. In the meantime, I know he'll be with all of us every step of the way. <3

While this past month has been completely wonderful, it's also been very hard. I threw in the breastfeeding towel yesterday. It wasn't without a lot of tears, I will say. Breastfeeding is THE hardest thing I've ever done,. I was constantly in a panic; "Is the latch correct? Is she getting enough? Is she crying because she's hungry or she wants to be held?" The constant insecurity was too much to deal with; time supposed to be spent enjoying her, I was crying my makeup off to Adam, my mom, or Natalie about breastfeeding. Y'all, I was doing it all: nursing, pumping, supplementing with both breastmilk and formula. It was effin' exhausting. I've read so many articles on Kellymom I can practically quote them in my sleep. I've taken Fenugreek, drank Mother's Milk tea and dark beer, etc. Hell, I even dropped thirty-five bucks on Tia and Tamera's cash cow, Milky (hope Adam doesn't read this). None of it worked for me in increasing my supply. I gave it my all. I finally gave her a full 3 ounce bottle of formula yesterday and she sucked it dry- there's my sign. I'm sure I was probably doing something wrong, but having my boob out all day was just not working for me. I have a husband that works out of town, and a 3 1/2 year old. I've got shit to do. I prayed about my decision, and haven't cried in 2 days- that's a record considering I've spent 27 of those 29 days sobbing and stressed about breastmilk. Harper nursed and had her last breastmilk bottle yesterday; I made it 4 weeks- that's twice as long as I made it with Aaron. I'm proud of what I was able to give her. I'm happier; therefore, she's happier. Please only words of support- this was not an easy pill to swallow, but I am at peace about my decision. I will say, all mothers rock- breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, natural birth or caesarean, epidural or no medication- being a mom is the hardest job on the planet. Let's support each other!

Here's a glimpse of the past week:

First post-preg date night!

"Hewwo"

Spidey! (with his eyes closed) 😳

First attempt at Moby wrap: not successful.

Enjoy this beautiful fall weekend!

~LL

Taking it day by day.....

Happy Friday, Friends!

TGIF, amiright?! This week's fall-like weather has been great, but I'm so excited to see the sunshine! There are only so many gray days I can take without wanting to curl up in bed and just sleep. Sleep, you ask? Why yes- I'm napping at least once, if not twice a day to catch up on lack of zzzz's at night. Rough, but I know this being up every 2 hours at night will be gone in the blink of an eye, and soon I'll have another 3 1/2 year old. #perspective

Not to say that I'm cool as a cucumber- I'm totally far from it. I've had at least 3 breastfeeding meltdowns this week, I've lost my sh*t with Aaron more times than I want to admit, and I've had my moments of being majorly hein to my hubby. Trying to keep myself in check. You forget how hard this time is because the good SO outweighs the bad. Luckily, I'm blessed with such amazing family and friends that are always there when I need a shoulder to cry on, advice, to rant, etc. Every day I get one step closer to my pre-preg self, and I'm not only trying be patient with everyone, but patient with myself as well. 

Tomorrow night my awesome mother-in-law is driving up to babysit the kiddos while Adam and I have a much-needed date night. SO.EXCITED. We'll probably only go to dinner and a movie, but the thought of curling my hair, putting on a cute top, and NOT wearing flip-flops almost sends me over the edge. And yes, I do plan on drinking an adult beverage. Sky's the limit, y'all!

Here's some cuteness from our week:

"Pump, pump, pump it up!"

Walker-stalker like her mama!

She's delicious.

My world.

Have a great weekend!!

~LL

2 weeks later.....

Hey friends!

Sorry it's been awhile. I've been adjusting to a newborn and the extreme tiredness from lack of sleep that accompanies the precious bundle.  All worth it, nonetheless.

Harper Elizabeth Mosely was born at 7:53 AM, Friday, September 27th. Next to Aaron's birth- the best moment of our lives for sure. She came out kicking and screaming, and the first thing my Doc said was "we have hair!" All I could do was laugh and cry, at the same time! She looked huge when she came out from all the fluids, but weighed exactly the same as Aaron (7 pounds/13 ounces). It took them awhile to get her to me from all the fluids, but they said that was common with section babies since they don't actually travel through the birth canal. Once we were in recovery and settled down they finally brought her to me- pure perfection. We are so madly in love with this gift from above!

My c section went without a hitch- thank goodness! The day before, "pre-op day," I was a nervous wreck. After signing all the forms, getting my blood drawn, and hearing about the procedure I literally went home, got in the bed, and pulled the covers over my head. Nervous.wreck. We had to be at the hospital at 6 on the big day, and since we're an hour away we were out the door by 5. It didn't matter- I only slept an hour that night anyway. Surprisingly, I was pretty calm that morning. I got up, showered, curled my hair, put a little makeup on, and we were out the door. On the way there we listened to Hall & Oates radio on Pandora (per my request- who doesn't love "Maneater??" ). Once we arrived we signed in ("Good morning! We're here to have a baby!"), was taken to recovery where I put on that oh-so-attractive hospital gown, got my IV, and waited for my Doc to arrive to start surgery. Funny coincidence: my nurse this go-round was the same nurse I had when I delivered Aaron- we love her! Once my Doc came strolling in, coffee in hand, to check on us before surgery, we were ready! Adam had to wait outside the room while I got my epidural/spinal block, and once I was all good, numb, and laid out on the table they let him in. The only time I ever felt uncomfortable during surgery was when I got nauseous (which was pretty much immediately as soon as I laid down- my BP had dropped). Luckily, my nurse anesthetist pumped my IV full of nausea meds. At last, we were in business. I swear it wasn't five minutes later when my Doc announced, "we're gonna have a baby in about 20 seconds!" Most amazing moment ever. A moment not so amazing? Adam "forgetting" to charge his phone, and only videotaping the moments before Harper was pulled out before his phone died. Nice one, babe! At that time, my awesome nurse anesthetist handed over her iPhone and let us use it to document the big moment. The rest of the surgery was pretty boring; Adam went with my nurse to check on Harper, and I laid on the table getting my stomach stitched back up while listening to my Doc (and another Doc from the same practice who came in to help) talk everything from Georgia football to teasing me about taking home my placenta (I didn't). 

After having done both a "natural" birth and now a c section, I can say both have their pros and cons. I loved the convenience of just showing up to have a kid, and not having to labor. I didn't like the fact that it felt like my uterus was going to fall out of me when I got out of bed the next day. 

One thing is for sure, I'm glad I'm not pregnant anymore. It feels so good to wear non-maternity tops (I'm still in maternity jeans- let's not get ahead of ourselves here!).  I've finished all of my pain meds, and for the most part I feel like myself- maybe a more zombie version of myself right now. I'm still a little sore/tender around my incision, but no biggie. I'm still breastfeeding, and I have to say it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I only made it 2 1/2 weeks with Aaron before switching to formula, and I'm determined to make it longer with Harper. As much as I love our pediatrician, it's amazing how quick they are to push formula. Granted, Harper's not quite up to her birth weight, so we are supplementing two formula bottles a day until we get her back up. I'm hoping that at that point we can go back to breastfeeding exclusively. I'm also pumping, which I like a lot because I can see what I'm putting out. They say once you make it to 3 weeks it gets easier- here's hoping!

Here are some pics from the last couple of weeks. We are so in love with our sweet, beautiful girl! Our hearts are complete. :)

Thanking God for this baby girl!

~LL